It’s weird how we wake up day after day to repeat the same routine, see the same people, eat the same food, have the same conversations… and yet somehow, each day is completely different. I am grateful for those slight variations in our day but sometimes I just want to cry because of a little thing that is two years old and belly flops on her sister for fun.
Indie has such a sweet heart. She is kind and funny and so, so smart. That’s why it’s so hard to parent her. She is a free spirit who dreams of running through grassy meadows with no one in sight for miles. If we’re being honest, I am a little jealous of that free spirit. I hope it takes her far in life. I hope everything that holds me back somehow gives her strength and she takes my weakness and flies.
I remember a few months back I read an article that talked about how the phrase “terrible twos,” is a bad description of children. It went on to say that this phase in your child’s life is just confusing because they are learning to communicate with you, express their emotions and truly understand how to function at the rate an adult wants them to function. I had tears rolling down my face the whole time thinking of my little baby (at the time), struggling because of frustrations and confusion. The thought of your children being upset apparently brings lots of emotions up in mamas.
Then my baby turned two.
About a week ago, I remembered that blog post and started thinking, “that whole article is BS. Indie knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s deliberately disobeying me. She’s doing this on purpose. She just wants to see me get mad.” I had a whole post written up on how she is so naughty and how the terrible two’s IS real, and then Tyler stepped in and opened my eyes with just a few words (like always…).
“She is not evil. She is a baby. She loves you and doesn’t do things to make you upset. She is two.”
She is two.
She is two.
She is two.
She has been on this earth for only TWO years.
So I sat down today, after an especially hard day with her, and thought about who she is, who she will become and how I am the one responsible for getting her there. It would be so nice if life truly was consistent and your children were wonderful all the time but the truth is, each day is different. There would be no progression if we relived each day and each experience.
One day she might eat all her breakfast or she might refuse everything you cook her. She might play with her toys all day or might beg over and over and over to watch Clifford. She might let you put reasonable shoes on her or she might scream until you put her hot pink combat boots on for church. She might be super quite at dinner while she licks the bean dip bowl clean or she might yell at you for grabbing “her” chip. She might hug you all day or she might want her space.
(Watching Clifford and refusing to look at me…)
There are so many variations of who Indie is. Some days I cry to God in thanks for letting her be so good and some days I cry to God to give me the strength to wake up in the morning, knowing tomorrow will be the exact same. But then He reminds me, it’ll be different.
I am so grateful I get to experience each day with my children. Most bad days I do just want to sit and complain about how tough motherhood is, but my life could have ended up so differently. I KNOW being a mom is a blessing and there are so many people out there begging for what I have. I love my crazy two year old and the difficult days that end up being nothing like I wanted, because those are the days I become a stronger person and a better mother. I might be angry and upset while they are running around diaper-less, covered in lipstick, but when I lay my head down to sleep, I am able to reflect on how I handled myself, ask God for forgiveness and pray that I might be better. I then ask him to give me the strength to wake up in the morning, knowing tomorrow will be the exact same,
But then He reminds me
It’ll be different.
She won’t be two forever.